I'm Sorry
Story #1
After the dishes, my husband still hadn't approached me to talk, so I just dropped it. Just wasn't in the mood I guess. On Friday he brought home flowers for Shabbos (that is his new thing - a result of probably too many therapy sessions) and a single flower for me as well. I said thank you, put it in a vase and went on with getting things ready before Shabbos.
He came over to me and said "Can you come into the bedroom, I want to show you something?" So I said "OK", went into the bedroom and he hands me one of those little cards from the florist shop. It says on it "I'm Sorry". But that is ALL it said on it.
I said to him "What is this for?"
He said "You know what it is for."
I said "I really don't. Can you tell me or write it in the card?"
He said "The card was too small to write it all."
I said "So can you tell me?"
He said "You know what it is for."
I chose (due to how close Shabbos was and knowing I had a lot to do and out of a desire not to let this get into a full blown out thing) to just drop it and said "OK." I wasn't sure what to DO with this blank card, so I just put it on a shelf and went back to my preparations.
Story #2
On the Sunday after the whole "card" incident, my husband and I were standing in the kitchen. I had the beginnings of a migraine, but in all fairness I hadn't told my husband. I was very mellow and quiet and not all that talkative. Anyway, we were standing there in the kitchen discussing the fact that our front door lock doesn't work well and my husband says to me "Call the guy who did the door and tell him about the problem."
I am not quoting exactly but I am quoting with the same phraseology.
I looked at him, and I KNOW I had two options, but I chose the one that came out as "I don't appreciate you talking to me like that. I am not your secretary and it would be nice if you said 'please'."
His response?
"I am talking like that to you because you have been speaking not nicely to me all day."
I said to him, rather calmly "How do you expect anything to work out if you treat every action of yours as excusable because you are acting the way I am? I told you how I feel about the way you are speaking. If you have a problem with the way I speak, the mature way to handle it is NOT to speak in kind, but to tell me you have a problem with it."
I left the kitchen and came back a half hour later. He turned to me and said "I'm sorry."
So here is the first problem. My temper doesn't cool down so quickly. The second problem is that I am not sorry for my actions in either of those incidents. Therefore, I didn't apologize. However, my husband will have thought that I should and will mention in therapy that once again he apologizes and I do not. *sigh*
After the dishes, my husband still hadn't approached me to talk, so I just dropped it. Just wasn't in the mood I guess. On Friday he brought home flowers for Shabbos (that is his new thing - a result of probably too many therapy sessions) and a single flower for me as well. I said thank you, put it in a vase and went on with getting things ready before Shabbos.
He came over to me and said "Can you come into the bedroom, I want to show you something?" So I said "OK", went into the bedroom and he hands me one of those little cards from the florist shop. It says on it "I'm Sorry". But that is ALL it said on it.
I said to him "What is this for?"
He said "You know what it is for."
I said "I really don't. Can you tell me or write it in the card?"
He said "The card was too small to write it all."
I said "So can you tell me?"
He said "You know what it is for."
I chose (due to how close Shabbos was and knowing I had a lot to do and out of a desire not to let this get into a full blown out thing) to just drop it and said "OK." I wasn't sure what to DO with this blank card, so I just put it on a shelf and went back to my preparations.
Story #2
On the Sunday after the whole "card" incident, my husband and I were standing in the kitchen. I had the beginnings of a migraine, but in all fairness I hadn't told my husband. I was very mellow and quiet and not all that talkative. Anyway, we were standing there in the kitchen discussing the fact that our front door lock doesn't work well and my husband says to me "Call the guy who did the door and tell him about the problem."
I am not quoting exactly but I am quoting with the same phraseology.
I looked at him, and I KNOW I had two options, but I chose the one that came out as "I don't appreciate you talking to me like that. I am not your secretary and it would be nice if you said 'please'."
His response?
"I am talking like that to you because you have been speaking not nicely to me all day."
I said to him, rather calmly "How do you expect anything to work out if you treat every action of yours as excusable because you are acting the way I am? I told you how I feel about the way you are speaking. If you have a problem with the way I speak, the mature way to handle it is NOT to speak in kind, but to tell me you have a problem with it."
I left the kitchen and came back a half hour later. He turned to me and said "I'm sorry."
So here is the first problem. My temper doesn't cool down so quickly. The second problem is that I am not sorry for my actions in either of those incidents. Therefore, I didn't apologize. However, my husband will have thought that I should and will mention in therapy that once again he apologizes and I do not. *sigh*
posted by energynorm at
11:33 AM
2 Comments:
tell your husband to explain what his "sorry" means, because so many people say "sorry" and don't explain their actions. we are a nation of sorries without substance.
By
Mishegasmaster, at 11:04 PM
you might be able to interpret the "i'm sorry" as just that. maybe he's genuinely sorry for what he's put you through, for not being the ideal husband all of the time.... sometimes it's hard to express what's in a person's mind or heart, and just a simple "i'm sorry" might sometimes convey more than a whole mess of words.
of course, i understand your need to have him explain what exactly the card is for. i wonder if it was difficult for him to get you the card, and if it was, that might say a lot about where he is in his own head.
By
bec, at 1:05 AM
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