Movin on out...
Well, lots of people have emailed me asking where I am. It's very sweet of y'all. I have had a rough week or so. So many details to go into and I would have loved to be able to blog them while they occurred, but we have no internet access yet in our new place.
Am I crazy to have moved? I still think a part of me says Yes, but I know that the new place is bigger and better than the old one and that is good for the baby, at least. I wouldn't say there have been any major incidents lately with my husband, just a general feeling of dislike. Not that I personally care if he likes me or not. I just would rather he didn't speak to me the way he does in front of my family.
Today my son started daycare. It is a real disaster. I feel like no one who I try to talk with about it is able to give me the full support I need on it and it is a very lonely feeling. I went to talk with a friend about how I don't feel comfortable with the way the daycare is being run (my son is in a different room now that he is older) as opposed to the way it was last year and she was busy. She couldn't talk. She knew I was upset and REALLY I don't blame her. I just wish I didn't have to go cry alone in the bathroom. I am not the kind of person who turns to people for comfort. The one time I did, I didn't get what I needed. My father tells me I can't always be so tough. He asked me yesterday how is everything. I said "It's ok". He said "Are you telling me the truth?" I said "Would you tell me the truth?" He knows that I know he isn't happy in his marriage either.
Which brings me to my next thing that I want to write about. My mother is obese. She probably weighs about 400 pounds or so. At least. Plus she has arthritis. And my father isn't in great health either, though his problem is poor circulation (he has no hair on his legs) and he has back problems and no cushioning in many of his joints (he even needs cortisone shots periodically so his neck can move). My mother was going to have gastric bypass surgery but opted not to. My father is one of those stubborn Hungarians who would rather have his head fall off than go to a doctor. I am sure I have ulcers because of the two of them. Or at the very least heartburn. So basically I have to sit back and watch my parents slowly dying. It seems that way to be at least. I don't know what else to do. My husband tells me I should yell at my mother so that she will get the surgery. That won't help though and I was raised to respect my parents and yelling at them isn't something I was taught to do. Also, what good will it do? My parents are the type that just shut down when confronted. They will tell me that that is how they are doing it and will clam up and that is that. Damn stubborn Hungarians.
Anyway, I still have a ton to unpack, a load of bills to pay, I have to deal with the people who are moving into my old place because they have to take over the lease of something that is in the apartment itself (don't ask, long story), I have to find out where the gym is because I want to start going again and I have my first therapy on Sunday. Alone therapy. Not couples therapy because my husband hasn't rescheduled that yet.
So that is me in a nutshell. Or a basket of nuts. Or maybe I am just a basket case. Who knows.
Am I crazy to have moved? I still think a part of me says Yes, but I know that the new place is bigger and better than the old one and that is good for the baby, at least. I wouldn't say there have been any major incidents lately with my husband, just a general feeling of dislike. Not that I personally care if he likes me or not. I just would rather he didn't speak to me the way he does in front of my family.
Today my son started daycare. It is a real disaster. I feel like no one who I try to talk with about it is able to give me the full support I need on it and it is a very lonely feeling. I went to talk with a friend about how I don't feel comfortable with the way the daycare is being run (my son is in a different room now that he is older) as opposed to the way it was last year and she was busy. She couldn't talk. She knew I was upset and REALLY I don't blame her. I just wish I didn't have to go cry alone in the bathroom. I am not the kind of person who turns to people for comfort. The one time I did, I didn't get what I needed. My father tells me I can't always be so tough. He asked me yesterday how is everything. I said "It's ok". He said "Are you telling me the truth?" I said "Would you tell me the truth?" He knows that I know he isn't happy in his marriage either.
Which brings me to my next thing that I want to write about. My mother is obese. She probably weighs about 400 pounds or so. At least. Plus she has arthritis. And my father isn't in great health either, though his problem is poor circulation (he has no hair on his legs) and he has back problems and no cushioning in many of his joints (he even needs cortisone shots periodically so his neck can move). My mother was going to have gastric bypass surgery but opted not to. My father is one of those stubborn Hungarians who would rather have his head fall off than go to a doctor. I am sure I have ulcers because of the two of them. Or at the very least heartburn. So basically I have to sit back and watch my parents slowly dying. It seems that way to be at least. I don't know what else to do. My husband tells me I should yell at my mother so that she will get the surgery. That won't help though and I was raised to respect my parents and yelling at them isn't something I was taught to do. Also, what good will it do? My parents are the type that just shut down when confronted. They will tell me that that is how they are doing it and will clam up and that is that. Damn stubborn Hungarians.
Anyway, I still have a ton to unpack, a load of bills to pay, I have to deal with the people who are moving into my old place because they have to take over the lease of something that is in the apartment itself (don't ask, long story), I have to find out where the gym is because I want to start going again and I have my first therapy on Sunday. Alone therapy. Not couples therapy because my husband hasn't rescheduled that yet.
So that is me in a nutshell. Or a basket of nuts. Or maybe I am just a basket case. Who knows.
posted by energynorm at
1:01 PM
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