A letter to my husband
My therapist suggested I write a letter to my husband which is as positive as possible. I have gotten some feedback already, but I would still like more since this is very important to me. Please let me know what you think either online or by emailing me at energynorm at hotmail dot com. Thanks!
Our therapist suggested that I write a letter to you to tell you some of my feelings. The past few years have been hard on both of us, and there is no way to even measure the intensity of the roller coaster our individual emotions have been on. To tell you my feelings, though, is something that leaves me very vulnerable. I feel so very vulnerable and out of sync with you over the past few years that I feel like I need to emphasize how hard this is for me. I cringe just thinking about your reaction to this email, and I really only am sending it at the therapist's encouragement. Originally, the main purpose was to explain to you that in order for us to progress, we would need to start seeing the therapist as a couple. Since I left the appointment, she called you and you actually set a date and time for an appointment. I have to admit I was surprised, and not in a bad way. My offer to arrange to have my sister baby-sit is still open unless you have someone else in mind.
You asked me a while back if I love you. I do love you, however, I need to feel in love with you and I need to feel a connection to you (other than our son). I need to feel like we have an emotional connection, but I can’t even find a spark of that anymore. I would like things to work out, I really would. I wish I had thought to push for therapy earlier, but maybe with our son being such an infant and the constant strain over your mother’s illness and death, I was just overwhelmed and time flew by without me really acknowledging the problems I was having with our marriage. Maybe I also thought since you didn’t seem to have a problem with what was going on in our marriage (way before even our son being born and your mother’s illness) that it was just something going on in my head. I don’t know the reason. I know it isn’t fair that this seems to you like something new. In all fairness to me though, you surely do realize that it wasn’t an overnight thing where things went from hunky dory to constant snapping at each other. I don’t want to live in this kind of an atmosphere any more. I want things to improve and get better.
All that being said, my emotions and patience are frazzled. I have asked myself very often, how much longer can I handle this roller coaster of a marriage that I feel I am in? 3 months? 6 months? I set a sort of time frame in my head for when I can’t push myself to have patience anymore. I’d rather not get into specifics, because it isn’t fair to give you that kind of pressure. Certainly it is flexible to a point. I need to feel that while I know you love me, you can change. They say you can’t expect a person to change, but if that is true in this case and neither of us can change, then I just don’t know.
Our therapist suggested that I write a letter to you to tell you some of my feelings. The past few years have been hard on both of us, and there is no way to even measure the intensity of the roller coaster our individual emotions have been on. To tell you my feelings, though, is something that leaves me very vulnerable. I feel so very vulnerable and out of sync with you over the past few years that I feel like I need to emphasize how hard this is for me. I cringe just thinking about your reaction to this email, and I really only am sending it at the therapist's encouragement. Originally, the main purpose was to explain to you that in order for us to progress, we would need to start seeing the therapist as a couple. Since I left the appointment, she called you and you actually set a date and time for an appointment. I have to admit I was surprised, and not in a bad way. My offer to arrange to have my sister baby-sit is still open unless you have someone else in mind.
You asked me a while back if I love you. I do love you, however, I need to feel in love with you and I need to feel a connection to you (other than our son). I need to feel like we have an emotional connection, but I can’t even find a spark of that anymore. I would like things to work out, I really would. I wish I had thought to push for therapy earlier, but maybe with our son being such an infant and the constant strain over your mother’s illness and death, I was just overwhelmed and time flew by without me really acknowledging the problems I was having with our marriage. Maybe I also thought since you didn’t seem to have a problem with what was going on in our marriage (way before even our son being born and your mother’s illness) that it was just something going on in my head. I don’t know the reason. I know it isn’t fair that this seems to you like something new. In all fairness to me though, you surely do realize that it wasn’t an overnight thing where things went from hunky dory to constant snapping at each other. I don’t want to live in this kind of an atmosphere any more. I want things to improve and get better.
All that being said, my emotions and patience are frazzled. I have asked myself very often, how much longer can I handle this roller coaster of a marriage that I feel I am in? 3 months? 6 months? I set a sort of time frame in my head for when I can’t push myself to have patience anymore. I’d rather not get into specifics, because it isn’t fair to give you that kind of pressure. Certainly it is flexible to a point. I need to feel that while I know you love me, you can change. They say you can’t expect a person to change, but if that is true in this case and neither of us can change, then I just don’t know.
posted by energynorm at
11:34 AM
1 Comments:
This post will go down in anotehr hour or so
By
energynorm, at 1:41 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home