Angry

I am so angry.

There, I said it. I don’t need encouragement to say it either. I have simply decided that it is very much a real state of mind and emotions for me. I can control it. Anyone who knows me knows that.

I am angry, so very angry. At my mother.

She tried, I know she did. She wanted to be a good mother. I don’t think that it could even be diagnosed at this point, but I feel so very strongly that she suffers from PPD. Considering that my sister is now 19, that is a hell of a long time to be suffering. Regardless, I am still angry at her. She wasn’t the best mother, no, but she has a chance to be a great grandmother. The only biological grandmother my son will ever know. The chances of her living long enough to see him have his Bar Mitzvah are slim. She is slowly killing herself, and for that I am angry at her. There are times I wonder if I could bring myself to hate her. Because that would be easier than volleying between wanting to share my son’s accomplishments and HIM with her and wanting to protect him from knowing her because then he will only hurt more when she is gone. She will be gone when he is at a young age. I know it. She has no right to be so selfish. She has no right to say that it is none of my business what she does with her health. She has no right to slowly kill herself in front of all of us and to expect us to wait on her hand and foot when the only reason we are doing that is because she cant move her damn self to get what she needs.

I am angry at my father.

For not standing up to my mother’s passivity about her health. For allowing her to ‘walk’ all over him all these years. For not standing up for HIMSELF. For not wanting to further himself.

I am very angry at myself.

For caring.

Did feminism kill chivalry?

I think it did, but I dont know what can be done about it! Men view women as sex objects in such blatant unveiled ways now. In the past, more coverage meant more appeal. Now, if a woman is showing her independance and stating her equality by dressing however she damn well pleases, she is seen as easy, a slut etc. Whatever happpened to men putting their coats over puddles so we could walk without getting the bottoms of our skirts wet? Oh yeah, we're not wearing floor length skirts anymore. But it goes way beyond actions. And it doesnt just have to do with sex. It is a whole change in mannerism and verbalization towards women. "Back in the day" a man spoke to a woman with a certain tone of respect for her sensitivities. I notice that that is no longer the case. Just because a woman is stronger physically and mentally now than ever before does not mean that she is emotionally tougher.

Speak to us as though you care about how your words will affect us. Speak to us as though you care, even if you dont. Heck, speak to us like important clients whose butts you want to kiss if you need a better analogy. Just dont speak to us like we are one of the guys. We want to be treated with kindness and we want you to know that when we tell you in a joking manner "Dont be so mean", we really mean it.

This is a guest post courtesy of the insanity of energynorm :) Enjoy!