Bleemy's Interview!!

1- Do you believe everything that happens in this world has a purpose? explain your answer

Yes, I do. But that doesn't mean I always believe that it happens because of divine providence. It means that I think it has a purpose since it happens as a result of a cause/effect event.

2- What was the last "sin" you did? do you regret it?

I lied. And I dont regret it for one second!

3- Did you ever have a lesbian encounter of any sort? if so, decribe.

Only in my mind :) So since it wasnt a real one, I think I would rather not describe it!

4- Describe your current mood.

I am in a VERY happy mood. I feel happy, excited, giddy and overall joyful. It is the best feeling in the world and I havent felt this way in a long time.

5-What was the worst lie you ever told your husband?

Oh boy, that's a toughie. I think the worst lie I ever told him was that I wasn't angry at him when I really was. That is always the worst because that kind of lie festers both inside and out.

Interview with a NormalJew

1) Is there something you regret saying- or not saying- to someone in your life? explain.

I regret not saying NO more forcefully in college. I regret not screaming.

2) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would have dieted and exercised from the moment I hit puberty, if not before then!

3)Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla with a chocolate swirl. But really, for me the only choice is coffee!

4)What was your best sexual experience in your life?

The first time with my husband.

5)When you eat an Oreo cookie, do you eat the cream first? why?

I only eat half the cream first! I have no idea why, I think maybe because to eat it all is too sweet but I still like the way it feels on my tongue (analyze that!)

Now the rules, ( You need to put these in your post)1) Leave me a comment saying "interview me please."2)I will respond by asking you five questions ( not the same as above)3)You will update your blog/site with the answeres to the questions.4) You will include ths explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.5) When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them five questions.

Of weaning and things...

It's been a crazy bunch of days at work and so I haven't blogged in a while. It doesn't mean I don't have stuff on my mind though. On Monday night I weaned my son. On that fateful day, he was 15 months 1 day old. I always thought I wouldn't go past 6 months of nursing and here I was 11 months and 1 day later mourning the loss of that method of bonding that is so uniquely MINE. It wasn't even my decision, he made it for me. For a week or so he just didn't want to nurse fully at bedtime which was the last of the feedings that he had left anyway. No one understands, not really. Especially not the men in my life. My husband doesn't understand. My guy friends whose wives have nursed don't get it. My mother understood completely but I can't go crying to her. A female friend told me that it just means I have to have another one. I love her with all my heart, but that comment hurt. She isn't married and has no children, so I forgave her quickly in my head because she just didn't know what she was saying. After all, isn't that really the cause of so many hurtful comments? IGNORANCE. Not even intentional ignorance, but usually circumstancial. We are trying again for another one. Not as actively as before, but maybe it is because for me I don't feel the same urgency. My body STILL isn't totally back to normal. My boobs are so huge that if I get pregnant again now, they may spontaneously combust. Yeah, I know, the guys like it. But I don't want it that way. I want to fit into the things I used to wear without someone comparing my cleavage to the Grand Canyon. Well, no use crying over spilled milk (I know, ha ha, pardon the pun). Time to get on with reality. The world has more problems to deal with that my feelings about weaning...

The Infertility Letter

A friend of mine sent the following email which was originally titled The Shidduch Letter and came from Rav Balanson's weekly email. I have taken the liberty of changing it since I thought it was really special and I wanted to share it. Here goes:

The Infertility Letter

Often, the hardest part of our handling the various nisyanos that we face, is the fact that we never really are aware of the fact that theyare, in fact, nisyanos. For example, if we were to receive a letter from the accounting department in the Shamayim and it were to say the following:

On Friday morning you are going to be tested in the local supermarket:Someone is going to push a wagon into you and knock you down. Then that person will try to apologize. Now, if you smile and forgive them,you will receive a very special reward, but if you get angry then you will be badly punished.

If we were to receive such a letter, then we would be just ready and waiting on Friday morning and would welcome the fellow who knocked us down. We would be GLAD to be knocked down and then get up with a big smile on our face. Our problem is that we never realize that all the things that happen to us are really these kind of tests and nisyonos.

Let us examine this kind of situation in regard to a very common problem: Infertility. The letter from the Shamayim would read like this:

Dear Family XXXXXXX,

We are offering you the following very special deal. We have a child for you. He/She will be available for parenting in exactly 12 months time. He/She has exceptional midos and is exactly what you are dreaming about.

However, in order to receive this child, you have to receive at least a 3.6 GPA on the following series of nisyonos that we are goingto test you:

1. Five of your best friends will become parents over this coming year. If you manage to rejoice in their simcha, you will pass. If,however, you are jealous, then you will lose credit.

2. You will be suggested a number of very nosy alternatives and suggestions to help you conceive. If you manage to maintain a good mood then you pass. If you get discouraged and get angry at the well meaning people, you will lose points.

3. You will have a period of six months in which not a single positive procedurewill work and your Mom will get on your nerves with her constant worrying. If you answer her with a smile, you pass. If you lose your temper, you will lose credit.

If you received this kind of letter, you would handle each one of the above nisyonos without any problem. The problem is that we neverreally receive a letter like the above. And THAT is the ultimate nisayon: Not seeing all the other nisyanos that HaShem sends us.

Is it any wonder?

So today I sat and tried to figure out what makes a day end on a good note or a bad note.

I always sit and say "Well, today I accomplished a lot." or "Today was a total waste." Does the former mean that it was a good day and the latter that it was a bad one?

Maybe I should look deeper into this?

• Today started out with me spending an extra $4 that I hadn't intended on spending. (Strike 1)
• Then a person I knew was carted away by ambulance. (Strike 2)
• Then I got to work and the paint fumes from painting over the weekend made me begin to wheeze. (Strike 3)
• Then it was 90 degrees out all day but because the windows were open, I was sweating. (Strike 4)
• Then I left work early. (Score 1)
• Then I bought an ice cream cone. (Score 2).
• Then the ice cream dripped on my white shirt ONE bite before it was all gone. (Strike 5)
• Then I found a really cute inexpensive onesie at the GAP. (Score 3)
• Then I had a great bus ride home with my son. (Score 4)

Then I realized I have a son who loves me, a husband who loves me, a great paying and very beneficial job and a roof over my head and a full stomach.

Then I realized that the day never really ends, so what's there to figure out?

Damn Yankees

Today was errand day. A simple errand day, or so I thought. We had to go to Passaic to return a highchair we had borrowed. Got loaded up in the car, headed out to Jersey, dropped the highchair, stopped at 7-Eleven (we are Slurpee addicts) and headed back to NY. That's where things got bad. APPARENTLY, when the Yankees play a game, the traffic backs up to New Zealand! What the heck!? Why on earth does there seem to be a ton more traffic just because some boys who look like men want to throw a ball around. I mean seriously people, give me a break. If the Yankees have any sympathy on the world around them, they should build another bridge connecting Jersey to Manhattan, because today was insane. My son nearly passed out he was so hot, the car started to overheat, I literally got a sunburn because we sat in the car so long (2 hours plus!)

Then to make things go from bad to worse, I get home and log onto a board I am a member of where someone is telling a story about her miscarriage. It brought back too many memories. Way too many.

I'm sorry that this blog is turning out to be a kvetch-fest. Thanks for sticking with me though. It will cheer up soon! :)

Is it better to have loved and lost?

So I figured if I am going to comment on other people's blogs, I should give them a place to come back and comment on me as well.

I just read a eulogy for Rebbetzin Rennert, who was killed in a horrible car accident last week. I just have no words to describe the renewed feelings of loss inspired by this eulogy.

When I think about what my family has lost this past year, yet at the same time all we have gained, I begin to wonder if it is worth it. I sat at lunch today with a coworker who is blessed with four boys. He told me about his life as a single person and how depressed he was. He went on to say that if he could do it all again he wouldnt, though sometimes he wishes he had the same freedom to just get up and go and that he had taken more advantage of that freedom back them.

Is it worth it to be tied to something that can be gone in a second? Is it worth it to love only to know that one day you will lose it? Yes, a famous line you can come back at me with is "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". I wish I knew if that was true. I had a mother in law. My husband had a mother. My son had a grandmother. Was it better to have loved her and known her only to lose her or would it have been better to never have known her at all if I knew I would feel such pain and sorrow at random times.

I try to be strong for my husband but who can be strong for me. As I write this I can hardly see my monitor through the tears in my eyes. On a day like today when it rains, I feel the skies crying with me. I think in the world of blog is the best place to be. Because you can love and lose and never feel the same kind of pain.